


winner takes all

by displayheartcode



Category: Wolf 359 (Radio)
Genre: Based on a Tumblr Post, Crack Treated Seriously, Fix-It, Gen, Post Episode 44, Spoilers, the power of friendship and musicals IN SPACE
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-07
Updated: 2016-12-07
Packaged: 2018-09-07 00:48:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8776489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/displayheartcode/pseuds/displayheartcode
Summary: A new hero will rise.





	

**Author's Note:**

> this is not edited.

Kepler began to clap sardonically. "Well, well, well."

"I told you," Maxwell said, smug. She had her arms crossed over her chest. "Pay up, Daniel." 

"Yeah, Daniel," Eiffel muttered in the corner of the room. " _Quack_ it over." 

Minkowski elbowed him to shut up. Eiffel elbowed her back, and because they all were tied together like proverbial pigs for slaughter, Lovelace elbowed them both. 

Kepler's smile grew larger. He towered over the Wolf 359 Crew, his eyes cold as he reached for his holstered gun. "Still think you're in a position to make jokes, Mister Eiffel? Look around you," He gestured with his gun, "You and your merry band of space heroes  _failed._ You," He pointed to Minkowski, "Well, you still amount to nothing. And you," to Lovelace, "Must be so hard to fight for your survival for it to end like this." He turned to Hilbert next, his gun trained. "I think you already know." 

"Then you must know how shooting me will make Cutter angry," Hilbert said thinly. 

"What?" asked Eiffel. "What am I, then? _Mincemeat?"_

"We could freeze him," suggested Jacobi. "Pretty sure Goddard's interested in what's in his bloodstream." 

Kepler checked his watch. "Let's wait until after the encounter. In the meantime--" He raised his gun. 

Then came the soft music that was slowly becoming louder. 

It was Eiffel's turn to smile. 

_I am not throwing away my shot_  
_I am not throwing away my shot..._

The squeak of wheels, the scratch of speakers. It was coming closer. 

_Hey yo, I’m just like my country_  
_I’m young, scrappy and hungry_  
_And I’m not throwing away MY SHOT!_

There was the tell-tale click of anti-gravity boosters starting, and a knife appeared out of nowhere, slashing in the air as the camouflage aid switched off. 

"Stabby!" cheered Eiffel. 

"That's the wrong playlist!" Minkowski groaned. "How could you get them mixed up? I labeled them!" 

The large butcher knife was attached to a twisting vine from the Blessed Eternal, which in turn, was attached to the floating roomba that had the portable iPod speakers also attached to it. 

Jacobi's draw dropped. "The hell?" 

Lovelace shrugged. "We improvised. So what? It doesn't hurt to have a backup plan for the backup plan." 

The song changed, and Stabby charged. 

_The winner takes all_  
_It's the thrill of one more kill_  
_The last on to fall will never sacrifice their will_

Minkowski shouted, "EIFFEL!" 

"Next time _you_ program the cavalry playlist!" 

The knife moved too fast for Jacobi to react next, and a long slash went down the right side of his face. 

_Don't ever look back on the world closing in_  
_Be on the attack with your wings on the wind_  
_The games will begin_

Lovelace broke her handcuffs and tackled Jacobi to the ground, one arm thrown around his neck in a chokehold, the other pressing him down. 

Maxwell began to shout orders for Hera to follow, but the AI's tone was bright and cheery. "Sorry! I follow my own." 

_And it's sweet, sweet......sweet victory.. Yeah_ _!_  
_It's ours for the taking its ours for the fight!_

Kepler had no clue who or what to aim his gun at. Lovelace knocked Maxwell out with a clean punch, kicked at Jacobi's groaning body, and threw Hilbert the keys for the handcuffs. 

Kepler lunged to grab them in the air, but Stabby's cleanly sliced at the inside of his arm. He stumbled backwards, trying to block off the worst of the knife with the barrel of his gun. "Stop it!" he screamed. 

_(And it's Sweet, Sweet, Sweet Victory - Yeah -)_  
_And the one who's last to fall_  
_The winner takes all!_

Minkowski cracked her knuckles. Lovelace now had a gun. Hilbert was glowering. And Eiffel was still cheering. "And this is why you don't bring a gun to a knife-roomba fight!" He whooped again. 

Kepler had his back to the wall, now surrounded by his enemies and a frightening machine from Eiffel's imagination. 

"Well, well, well," said Minkowski, mimicking Kepler's earlier tone. "What should we do next?" 


End file.
